Tache off 2007

Meet the contestants - Week 5

Well tache fans here we are at the finishing post of Tache-Off 2007. Don’t forget you can follow all the tache news on our facebook group “Tache-Off”.

Please click on any image for a closer look at the hairy lipped contestants.

David Elliott

He took his tache to the Canary Islands last year, as part of "Tache on Tour". This year not only is he returning to Spain on the 9th of August, but Copenhagen is calling on 15th August for a global conference with leading scientists, due to new evidence suggesting that their may be a correlationship between moustaches and global warming. An ambassador and inspiration to all men who choose to have bristles on their upper lip. Respect.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = Evens

He wasn’t given such spankingly good odds for nothing. 31 days later, check out the lip growler on this fella. If this man’s tache was an Indian dish, it would surely be a rogan josh with a side portion of sag aloo. There were rumours that he may have kept his tache going beyond the end of August, however having his arse repeatedly pinched by men has forced his shaving hand.

Craig Brown

Morning all. This one is comedy blonde in a "can you see my moustache?" style. I actually found myself last year explaining to a table full of people why I was growing a tache after a few weeks of 2006 Tache Off, only for them to politely smile and then confess they hadn't actually realised I had one. Dave reckons the extra week this year will prove useful for me. My tache growing skills probably resemble West Ham footballers. Plenty of effort but ultimately a bit rubbish.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 3/1

I’m dead special I am, and so is my tache. God’s great intention for me was clearly not facial hair, I’ll just have to make do with my chiselled good looks and pert buttocks instead. The tache has now gone, and after a month of photoshoots and interviews for the Tache-Off, it’s work here is done. We could have a Tache-Off that lasts for 6 months and I’d still getting beaten pound for pound by most 13 year old boys on the tache front. Bothered? Sure I’ll cope….. As my wispy blonde tache gives me the appearance of a somewhat troublesome teenager, thought I would complete the look by wearing a hoody and putting the fear of God into any Daily Mail readers checking out our website.

Greg James

New for 2007, Greg has a great face for radio. Okay, so now he's on Radio 1, but he started off his career doing the same show as Alan Partridge on Radio Norwich, and actually bears a striking resemblance too. A-HA! Little is known about this competitor, but he's clearly very wily, as he's worked out that strolling around the corridors of the BBC with dashing lip hair is clearly going to woo the powers that be and it'll only be a matter of time before he's offered the breakfast show. With the whole nation following his tache progress, surely his credibility would be seriously dented were he to wuss out and shave before the end of the month, so we look forward to some top tache action here. Welcome on board, whoever the bloody hell you are....

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 3/1

So you work for Radio 1, you’ve announced to millions of people that you’re man enough to last the month of August growing facial hair, surely that’s cause enough to see it through? Well apparently not. Firstly he blatantly defrauded the Tache-Off fans by sending in week 1 and week 2 photos claiming them to be a week apart…..they were in fact taken only MINUTES apart! As if that wasn’t bad enough, he then claims his girlfriend made him shave it off week commencing August 20th. However, we busted him at the Foo Fighters gig in Brighton CLEANLY shaven on August 17th. Check out the gallery for proof of this. Tache fans, this man tried to pull the wool over your eyes. The official line from his producer Glenn was: “Sadly Greg has suffered a girlfriend related tache removal. They went on holiday to France earlier this week, she refused to get on the plane unless his top lip was bald!” We tried to contact Greg to comment further on this however his Mum said he had to be home for his tea, and he was in trouble with his girlfriend for staying out playing with his mates too late. He won’t be on Radio 1 for the next few weeks. He’s grounded.

Glenn Middleditch

Greg James's producer, hailing from Luxembourg, this 2-time trouser beard champion from the mid-80's has moved up a division and now fancies his chances at lipweight. After a much publicised split from his tache trainer, he's going tache off alone this year, and we applaud his efforts. We also applaud his logical thinking. Holding up a newspaper and taking a picture of it clearly proves the date. Because it's not possible to hold up yesterdays newspaper today. Ladies and gentlemen, your licence fee is in safe hands.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 4/1

We take not only our hats off to this man, but our scarves and gloves. The ladies will be prepared to take off even more when they catch a load of this impressive cross ginger/grey effort. I had £38 come out of my account this morning for my TV license, and I don’t begrudge a penny of that if it’s going towards BBC staff tache care. Here at Tache-Off HQ, we’d like to extend our sincere thanks to Glenn for all his support and coverage of Tache-Off 2007.

Dan Holme

New to Tache-Off 2007, Dan had to shave of a brilliant ginger beard in order to enter this year. This one promises a no-messing full ginger lip lizard. Enjoys flicking other men's balls in the gym changing rooms of a lunchtime and is quite partial to midget tossing. He often throws me over the fax machine at work just for extra practice. Unlikely to drop out due to peer pressure. Welcome onboard - FLt commander Holme

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 4/1

DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN!

I don’t think he heard us. Not to worry, cos if this mans tache was a 70’s sitcom then it would surely be George and Mildred. His ‘Trailer Park Tache’ pic was one of this years highlights I’m sure you’ll all agree. This big ginger freak’s tache has impressed us all and led to an unprecedented 47% increase in his ball flickage from other men in the gym shower room.

Craig Timmis

New to 2007 the "pie man" himself, another contestant that needed to shave off a beard to enter. Some days you wake up, and question if the Tache-Off is a worthwhile cause, and if it's really worth all the hassle. Then you get to work, look at Mr Timmis, imagine him with a tache and say to yourself "yes, it's all worth it". Roll on 31st August.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 8/1

If this man’s tache was a winter Olympic event, it would surely be curling. Simply because it impresses no-one but you’re kind of captivated by the sheer randomness of the whole thing. Hot contender for rubbish tache of the year, he nonetheless lasted the distance. His tache these days brings him more attention than even in 1981 when his single ‘Lip Up Fatty’ entered the UK top 10.

Martin Page

Second year running for Martin, he made it to the finishing post last year with a beaut. Often seen with other moustached men around town, this fella appeals to all in Brighton, which makes him a good all-rounder. Or in most cases, more of a turn-arounder. His favourite colour is magenta and he still lives with his Mum.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 2/1

Because of his tache, this man’s seen more backdoor action than main catflap down at the RSPCA. A few more pounds around the belly and a beard and he’s pretty much the new Demis Roussos, so get the moussaka in the oven cos fatty Page is coming over for dinner.

Phil Edwards

Another new one to 2007 so a bit of an unknown factor. Often seen wearing aviator sunglasses. He's so far out of fashion, he's come right back in again. I think Phil will bear a striking resemblance to Goose from Top Gun with a moustache. Let's face it, with that kind of look, if he were to walk past a group of women who were perhaps just sitting at a table, sharing a bottle of wine, they'd all look up, and after a brief discussion come to the conclusion that they all would.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 6/1

What can you say about Phil? I’ve no idea. Seriously, I haven’t.

Jono Smythe

"It's fun to stay in the YMCA". Not entirely true. I mean their rates are competitive but I hardly think supplying a ping pong table and a microwave is especially cause to get dressed up and head down there. So Jono has good tash growing skills, he's pretty hairy and it's gay pride this Saturday. Form an orderly queue fellas. Arseless chaps have been delivered by Ebay and there's a crate of Diamond White with his name on it. There's a big weekend on the cards...

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 5/2

As you can see from Jono’s final photo, he mistakenly thought this was a combined Tache-Off and Saggymanboob-Off. If it were, he’d be the clear winner. He claims that his milk shake brings all the boys to his yard and quite frankly I’m terrified to ask for clarification on what that means.

Nick Calvert

Last year's first drop out, Nick hopes to go the full length this year. Vanity combined with fear of getting the moustache tangled with his wispy hair stands in his way. This big bar of bi-polar sexual chocolate is unlikely to last the distance, as he has already had threats of divorce on the basis of a mere tache test run. In fairness though he did look like a fresher at kebab shop college after only a few days, but who knows what Nick can achieve this year. Lacks a decent tache support structure.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 25/1

Even more pointless than Spurs are right now, this man was so far away from even getting close to growing a tache, he may as well have not bothered showing up. If vanity was a chocolate bar then this man would surely be a Wispa. We anticipate Nick will probably sign up for Tache-Off 2008 and waste our bloody time once again.

Simon Loader

First timer Simon looks a naturally hairy chap. He is also the competitor most likely to look like Ron Jeremy by the end of the Tache-Off, and I don't just mean on his mush. He should be there for the duration of the Tache-Off, especially if the conditions are good to firm. Again, proving his lip and trouser hair are working in tandem with each other.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 6/1

Mark Seymour

Mark made it over the finishing line last year with something special on his upper lip. Legend has it he kept it going for another month after the tache-off 2006 finished. For many, the Tache-Off is a challenge, but for Mark it's just business as usual. A seasoned campaigner this one, and I don't see any obstacles preventing this man making it through the month. If ever you're lacking inspiration, spend 5 minutes with Mark.

Odds of having a tache on August the 8th = Evens

If this mans tache was a motorway it would surely be the M42, more specifically junction 6. Another year, another tache. For some this is a challenge, for Mark it’s just another way of passing the day. We were pleased to hear at Tache HQ that Mark managed to secure himself a series of hot dates throughout August avec tache. It really is a thing of beauty. Did you know that Mark was raised by gypsies and used to the bloke who spins your waltzer car round?

Mark Lewis

Mark is being watched closely this year after being involved in a controversial trimming incident last year. We hope this time round will not require adjudication. Look you're a hairy fella, be proud of your lip bush. Controvery surrounded the end of Mark's Tache-Off campaign last year when 4 Albanian asylum seekers had climbed into Mark's tache whilst he was holidaying in Benidorm last year and leapt out at the benefits office once Mark had returned home and had gone to sign-on, being the fraudster that he is. Expect Mark to last the distance.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 3/1

Richard Kerry

Richard comes from a mining background... and everyone knows no self respecting miner would ever leave the house without a grade one tache. In fact, we found out today that it was actually compulsory to have a tache in the 70's and people to this day are still in jail for failing to comply. Now I'm not one for politics, but any party that proposed that at the next election would certainly get my vote.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 2/1

After successfully overcoming his bout of rigor mortis he seemed to have in week 4, Richard is now back in the land of the living. Just. When we asked this big northern bugger how he felt about his tache, he basically muttered something unintelligible that appeared to contain something about it being grim up north and how outrageous it was he had to pay more than 40p for a pint of bitter.

Alan "Stumpy" Campbell

Alan watched in awe from afar at last years hairy-lipped warriors and admired their efforts so much, he had to get involved in 2007. He was so moved by their work that he found himself going up to random men in the street and touching their taches. Sadly this anti-social behaviour earned him a TASHBO. Not only short, but stumpy too, this man is no stranger to facial hair, and would probably be growing a tache anyway. Skills.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = Evens

Alan has been the reason behind a number of conversations in Tache-Off HQ, every single photo update has looked like the tache not only goes past the jaw line but also encroaches on the chin making it almost beard like. He has until tomorrow to send us a satisfactory picture. Ginger card!

Chris Schofield

If growing a tache was an 80's TV programme then Chris would be Metal Mickey. New to the Tache-Off this year, we welcome our brother from Devon. When I say brother, he's also my Dad and my cousin. It's just how things are in the West Country. I have every confidence of Chris seeing this one through. Hell, he even grows random facial hair just for fun, and is the proud face of our charity page www.justgiving.com/tache-off

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = Evens

Have you ever noticed that at the end of every party, there always seems to be a girl crying? Well usually that’s Chris, and it’s because he can’t quite believe just how damn sexy he is with this beast of a tache. This West Country urchin can usually be found with utter confusion on his face as he’s tries to assemble his family tree, as essentially every member fills several different roles.

Yes, it really is like that in Devon.

Ben Carlton

Ben is another new one to 2007 and he is as keen as mustard about growing a moustache. We're also chuffed to have him onboard as we love nothing more than a ginger competitor. Just to clarify, we're laughing at them, not with them. He's in good company though as Tache-Off has an unprecedented ginger contingent this year. Good, at least that means it won't just be me getting all the grief this year. Prepare for some full on ginger lip shenanigans tache fans....

Odds of having a (ginger) tache on August the 31st = 6/1

“Zoom” said Fat Larry’s Band back in the 80’s, which bears no relevance at all to the Tache-Off. What can you say about Ben? Unbelievably, he grew his decidedly ropey ginger tache for the entire duration of August, gets to the final day and then shaves! Why would you do that? For a hot date apparently. Showing his immaturity by wrongly assuming his facial hair is some kind of obstacle to successful lady love, he’s received a straight red. On a scale of one to having a word with oneself, this could be a lengthy conversation….

James Wilford

If metrosexuality was a bad 70's drink then this guy would a babycham. Has no male friends but plenty of female friends who just want to be his friend. Don't worry James, having a tache will show 'em. Another one of the whores who showed no intention of playing until they found out Radio 1 were involved. Fair enough, this bloke will look so Greek by the end of the month he'll be holding toga parties, except most of his friends are dyslexic and will end up turning up with a goat.

Odds of having a tache on 31st August = 20/1

James dropped out using the excuse that too many people were making fun out of him because he looked too much like Harry Enfields - Stavros, James we are disappointed in you.

Ian Mathews

Very much an unknown for 2007, no one has ever seen a bit of facial hair on this man. Rumour has it he's been travelling all over the UK and starting up late night tache clubs. First rule of tache club, you do not talk about tache club. Do freckles imply gingerness? Could maybe be part of the g-unit collective. Either way, has promised to show us his breakdancikng skills at the end of tache party, including robotics, electric boogaloo and the caterpillar.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 10/1

Just when you thought country and western legend Slim Whitman had disappeared, it turns out he’d basically just decided to move from Nashville to England, shave his tache off and get a job as a Helpdesk engineer. Well the game’s up. Whenever Ian is called by an angry customer who needs to be pacified, he simply pulls out his guitar and soothes them with a rendition of his biggest hit “Please Release Me”. At which point they cancel all their services and find an ISP with a support team that’s less scary.

James Leavers

New to 2007, James had to sacrifice a huge beard of to get involved with Tache-Off 2007. Did you know that with the amount of collected beard hair that has been shaved off just in prep for tache off, you could provide loft insulation for an entire housing estate? You may have noticed that James bears a striking resemblance to Claire Raynor and I couldn't really say if that's a good or bad thing for growing a tache. Either way, he's happy to provide relationship advice.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 5/1

Tim Weeks

If moustaches were funfairs, this man would surely be Chessington World of Adventures. New to 2007, we don't know a lot about Tim's growing abilities but he's in good company. If you've ever seen a horse walk into a bar and wonder "why the long face?" then you'd have thought the same when Tim strolled in for a stiff Cinzano. Welcome to Tache-Off young man.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st= 6/1

Tim gave up shortly after his week 1 the photo update was sent to Tache-Off HQ. Quite frankly we find this behaviour appalling!

Andrew Friend

New to 2007, Andrew sometimes looks vacant and confused. By sometimes we actually mean frequently. By frequently we actually mean pretty much all the time. This can only make for a comedy look once he has got some hair on his face. Not strongly fancied to see this one through.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 25/1

The confusion never ends. Merely a few days into the Tache-Off, we noticed that Andy had shaved his top lip. To which he replied “What’s a Tache-Off?” In his defence though, his confusion stems from a year spent in enduring the horrors of ‘nam. That’s Dagenham in Essex by the way. If the Tache-Off was measured on a scale of puzzlement then Andy’s tache would surely think it was a fish.

Joel Watson

Another sacrificial beard, Joel sported his for several years before having to get his girlfriend to shave it off as he was too emotional to do it himself. Joel is symbolic of the sacrifices required to see this challenge through. A fully paid up member of the g-unit (ginger), he earns spare cash on the side by shouting "YEAH" a lot on Phone 4 U adverts.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st= 8/1

That’s right Billy Boy, get yourself down to Phones 4U. Denial is not only a river in Egypt, it appears to be something extremely prominent in Joel’s life. “I’m not ginger” says Joel. Yeah, I’m not short either, Dave’s not fat and Martin likes girls.

Jason Vaughn-Phillips

Yet another potential big ginger moustache this one! Jason will almost certainly benefit from a moustache comb to get the bits of pie dislodged from it. Had a ridiculous notion that being involved in the Tache-Off would affect his abilities to win new business, and is about to find out that with his new ginger moustache, they'll be queueing round the door to sign contracts. Is suffering from a slight injury, but the Tache-Off physios are working round the clock to get his lip back to full strength. We believe it was injured whilst constantly quivering under the stress of not having the slightest clue of how to do his job.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st= 10/1

Jason was issued a ginger card in week one for having some lower lip hair.

Duncan Coleman

We're truly honoured to have Readings finest onboard this year. What this tofu loving tree-hugger don't know about facial hair quite frankly doesn't matter. Despite it being August, he has the coldest chin in the UK after shaving off a monumental beard to compete this year. A fine effort. "Dedication's What You Need" Norris McWhirter would say. Then again, what does he know? He's dead.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 5/1

When I was a lad, I wanted a camel for Christmas. I didn’t get one, but I at least accepted that fact. Duncan however, is having trouble getting to grips with the fact he simply isn’t equipped for a Fu Manchu moustache. Try as he may, it’s just not gonna happen. We admire the fact he shaved off a monster beard to grow his tache, and he should probably revert back to his previous look. Too much bloody tofu, that’s the problem.

Eddy Barnes

As you can see from his picture, he's still feeling the effects of falling asleep under a sunbed. Big fan of fake tanning is this Devon lad. We just hope he hasn't frazzled his tache follicles as that could spell disaster for his campaign. We have no doubts these Devon boys will be there at the hairy finishing line as the tache is a much revered sign of great power with those backwards, incestuous freaks. Welcome to Tache-Off Mr Barnes....

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 3/1

Edd Trent

If geekery was measured on a scale of 1 to bad 70's booze, then this man would be a Martini Rosso. This man looks like he could argue merits of Mac operating systems till the cows come home. That said he looks pretty determined and could well be an underdog this year. Worth an each-way bet. Whatever that means. Welcome on board you big geek!

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st= 8/1

This man is about as hip as a Level 42 album and about as popular. That’s because chicks don’t dig geeks, let alone ones with a bad tache. Edd mysteriously dropped off the map on week 4 when we were chasing his updated picture. We were told this was because he had gone to a festival. We think this may have been some kind Star Trek themed farmyard animal bothering convention, but we can’t be sure.

Nic Sheppard

HIYA FELLAS!! Nic's lip hair will only prove further that his recent marriage is a slightly farcical cover-up. Lord Sheppard will woo them all down at The Revenge when he struts across the dancefloor in his tight leather trousers. He plans to take his tache on tour to San Francisco of all places at the end of the month. No, we're not implying anything, we're just presenting facts here. Another interesting fact is that Nic once spent a weekend in Butlins in Bognor Regis with Pat Sharpe.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 20/1

If this man was a type of rum he would surely be Mount Gay. Never in the short history of the Tache-Off have we met a competitor who so willingly and blatantly cheated. Too vain to even bother growing a tache, he sent us in a Photo-shopped week 1 picture! I’d be genuinely shocked by this, but then again this is the same man who once went around door to door collecting money for charity, only then to use the money to buy himself cigarettes and Diamond White cider. Has the morals of a llama.

Glenn Pollard

What can I say about Glenn. Tache-off was inspired by a drunken story told by Glenn, of a man with a moustache tattooed on the inside of his finger for comedy effect which he would hold up to his lip. Tache on demand. Out of this story Tache-Off was born. He also donated the slick Tache-Off business cards. It's Glenn's first time entering as a competitor, but on day 1 we are already hearing whisperings of dropping out. Hold strong brother. We do have a 24/7 support line for those darker moments.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 20/1

As you can tell from Glenn’s pictures, he likes to think of himself as hard as in the Kray brothers sense, but in reality he’s far more Doobie Brothers. Looking like a throwback to the days of footballers in the 80’s, surely a curly perm is on the cards for Glenn. I’d also like to extend my thanks to Glenn for sending me his butt naked from a sauna picture in week 3. I had to do some crafty editing there.

Henry Hyder-Smith

Henry has a lot to prove this time round after throwing a tantrum, getting disqualified, being re-admitted then shaving after 5 days. Same as last year, Henry Hyder-Smith, coming from Oxford, weighing in at 224 pies, he could fall short of the 1 month target due to being largely ridiculed for what is bound to be a rubbish tache. I for one applaud his efforts. I'm sure his random half-tache will really woo them in the board room. In his spare time Henry enjoys wrestling midgets, goading badgers and quiche.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 3/1

Paul Stewart

Anyone who knows their Tache-Off will know EXACTLY who this is!! In 2006 his tache was so ground breaking, it sparked a mass debate and he regularly found himself stopped in the street by strangers. Starred in the TV show "How To Look Good Hairy", Paul sits on the board of the hair growth advisory committee. If there's a set of cheeks anywhere on the body, he can grow a full rug between them. Make no mistake, this man is hairy, and will have an absolutel belter in days. One to watch, although will have to overcome marital pressure to see the month through.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 8/1

The latest in a long line of people who think it’s acceptable to send me in a picture of them in the buff. Let me tell you it’s not. Granted, whilst this man has a tache that just won’t quit, I don’t need to subjected to pictures of competitors who could have a variety of things occurring beneath shoulder level. Not to worry, props to Paul for not bowing to wife-pressure as he did last year. This man just doesn’t disappoint. As you can see from Paul’s collection of pictures, turns out it was true when your Mum used to say ‘if the wind changes your face will stay like that’. I plan to tell that to my kid. Just for he hell of scaring them, along with saying there’s a child eating monster under the bed and no Santa Claus, and then back this up by buying them no Xmas presents. But enough about me. Nice work Paul.

Alan Lipscombe

If this was an eyebrow-off, then we'd all just have to pack up and go home right now. Seriously, click on his pic and check those buggers out. If his tache is half as impressive then roll on August 31st. A genuinely rubbish effort last year, lasting a lame 5 days before pressure from the wife saw him brandishing the Wilkinson Pork Sword early doors. Has a lot to prove this year, but I can't help but feel 'er indoors will put an end to his campaign early again.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 20/1

Alan’s tache is surely the Cheggers Plays Pop of facial hair. Apparently the only way he can grow a tache is by getting a divorce, as his wife keeps cutting short his campaigns. It’s laughable that any man should so easily succumb to his intimidating wife’s demands and needs so readily. Erm…..

Jamie Tyler

Now I've received a photo that claims to be from Jamie, but frankly none of us are convinced. One of those men that was actually born with facial hair, so a clean shaven Jamie came as a shock to all of us. Jamie is a huge fan of My Little Pony and can often be seen attending collectors conventions. Jamie has made one TV appearance, he successfully won the top prize of £24 on Mr & Mrs, which was presented by Derek Batey. Expected to do well this year as he is no stranger to facial hair.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 4/1

Ben Murken

Ladies & Gentleman, all the way from America... put your big hands together for Ben! A true random entry, and is tache-offs first ever contestant from across the pond. Ben was quick to inform us all that he heartily agrees that US sitcoms aren't funny, all their musical influences are stolen from the UK, apologised for taking a perfectly good language and unnecessarily removing U's and adding Z's, and also admitted that American footy players are basically men who are too scared to play rugby. In his spare time he is busy promoting the tache-off activities in the US and has unofficially claimed August as Moustache Appreciation & Awareness Month (MA'AM). Loving your work buddy. High 5.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 2/1

Ben sent his Week 1 update to us with a large amount of chin stubble, we had to give him a yellow card for his offence.

Karl Robinson

Yet another newcomer, it took him most of the day to decide on entering so we do not hold out a lot of faith on this one making it to the end. If ginger hair was measured on a scale of 1 to bad 70's booze then this man would undoubtedly be a snowball. Well crack out the advocaat and get involved, cos this man's about to have old ladies stop him in the street and comment on how he resembles a ginger Omar Sharif.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 16/1

Ross Davenport

New to 2007, Ross only took a razor to his ginger goatee at about 4:30pm on day 1, after hearing a whisper of celebrity involvement. Bloody sell out. Still, I couldn't stay mad at a man who will soon be sporting a fantastic ginger tache. Another fully subscribed g-unit competitor. No, he's not mates with that rapper 2-Bob, he's just a modern day ginger Billy Bunter. Interesting fact, Ross was once a contestant on Blockbusters, you know when Bob Holness did it. He went on as part of a duo, but let his partner down by not answering any questions then making a right old mess of the Gold Run.

Odds of having a tache on August th 31st = 7/2

Ross is this year’s winner of most fun competitor. Last year it was Henry who threw his toys out of his pram, however this year it’s going to take a forensic team months to locate the various parts of Ross’s playthings, due to the fury in which they were launched from his sleeping quarters. So then, after repeated warnings about his chin hair, we were sadly left with no option but to disqualify Ross. But in his defence, there’s no way that receiving 2 ginger cards in a charity moustache growing contest is a laughing matter, and such actions should definitely be met with the biggest bunch of the sour grapes you can find:

“Shame how petty people get when they get a little bit of power and here was me thinking it was for charity. Sad. Interesting selective memory. If I decided not to shave all month how was my tash much longer than the stubble that I had. You can also check the previous photos where you were happy with the level of shaving. In short I had 3 weeks tache and 2 days stubble. I would hardly call it a beard. Anyway you have decided to stick to you opinion and that’s fine but I and several other people do feel that you have gone against the spirit of the event and decided to be stubborn for some unknown personal reason. After all it was pointed out that several of the other contestants have had a few days growth at points without any repercussions but I guess that you have your reasons. Anyway I am off to China and don’t really care any more”

What’s important here is that he clearly doesn’t care and it hasn’t bothered him at all…

Sam Holme

Brother of Dan Holme, hairy faces run in this man genes. Let's just hope the ginger doesn’t. Kids can be so cruel sometimes. Not just kids, if he turns out to be ginger then we'll all have a pop. Just how life is I'm afraid. Welcome onboard young man. Despite just finding out he only scored 1 GCSE, this shouldn't prevent his tache prowess.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 15/1

In many ways Sam’s tache career resembles that of Shergar. What you may ask, fine breeding? Long face? When being sized up would prefer to use hands? No, he just vanished. Disappeared into thin air. Did an alright job of being a part of the Tache-Off then mysteriously went AWOL when being chased for the final photo. We suspect there may be a touch of the Rio Ferdinand’s about this fella. Guilty of not playing the game fair, but instead of facing the music, just ‘forgot’ to be present when the authorities turned up….

Chris Barron

Introducing Chris "The Mexican" Barron. The amount of alcohol this man puts away means his facial hair growth is second to none. If you needed proof of this, check out this picture that was taken a mere 2 hours after shaving. He is already sporting a healthy beard. This, combined with a complete lack of respect for most other humans, makes him a strong contender for making it to the end. Welcome onboard you big hairy freak!

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 4/1

Chris was singled out by our charity Amnesty International: ‘As today is the final day of the competition we thought we would have a peek at the competitors. What a fine display of superb taches! I think our top tache is Chris Barron - due to the volume and style. Well done Chris.’ As you know, it’s not about winning, it’s about losing. I’m not going to argue though. Apparently he’s double hard and generally has issues. Top effort though mate.

Adam Campbell

Hola Senor Adam. This cheeky chappie is an Albanian refugee, now living on the Spanish island of Lanzarote. Considering he has bugger all else to do but grow a tache, this should be pretty straightforward for Adam, but word from the inside is that he lacks staying power and therefore might drop out early.....

Odds of having a tache on 31st August = 10/1

Adam has been warned on a number of occations about late photo substitution, we have no choice but to yellow card him!

Sam Christmas

If this man's tache was a form of housing, it would surely be a bungalow with a greenhouse round the back. This festively named competitor was another looooooooser last year, lasting a mere 9 days in 2006. His feeble claim was that he didn't think it would do him any favours at a job interview. Fact is, he didn't get the job, and a man with a tache did. You do the math.

Odds of having a tache on August the 8th = 12/1

Information was passed to the Tache-Off team that Sam was not shaving all week, and only shaving for the photo update. We will not tolerate breaches of the rules like this. Yellow card.

Richard Purdon

"Mummy, who's that strange man in the house?" says little Jasmine. "It's your Dad with a new tache, and he looks the business. Now go to your room and stop being so cheeky". Richard experienced a big crisis of tache confidence yesterday, and had to receive emergency counselling. I'm pleased to report he's now back on track. Richard is guaranteed to look as though the only reason he's on foot today is become his ice-cream van is in for it's MOT.

Odds of having a tache on 31st August = 13/2

Richard was seen attending the annual Mistral Internet cricket game with some substantial chin growth. He was quoted saying "I don't shave at weekends!” not good enough Richard, Yellow card!

Lee Eastwood

The fact that Lee is here today to enter Tache-Off is in itself a monumental feat. He was actually raised by a pack of badgers and as such is pretty tasty in a fight. I personally welcome Lee with open arms into this years Tache-Off, as he's one of the few competitors who's naturally blonder than myself. One crap tache, coming up.....but it must be emphasised we welcome all manner of tache, blonde, ginger, bushy etc...there's more honour on a rubbish tache after 31 days than a brilliant tache for a week that then gets shaved off.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 20/1

Simon Field

Simon is the 2007 new Dad champion. Last year, we were very very proud that Paul Stewart's newborn baby got it's first glimpse of Daddy with a whopping great handlebar moustache complete with bugger grips, and this year it's possible it could happen to Simon! Research has shown that babies born to hairy parents are at least twice as likely to grow up with an overwhelming love of dodgem cars. Honestly, I'm not really running out of things to say...

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 5/2

Well based on Paul’s final picture, I’ve firmly made a decision to avoid both showers and prisons, not necessarily in that order.

Mika Hertz

His name sounds like a gay boast, but nonetheless welcome onboard. Having never met the man and knowing absolutely nothing about him, I can safely say that he's never had a girlfriend. Welcome onboard fella, let's see what you’re made of...

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 12/1

*Additional*…..I actually rather resent the fact that I’m sitting here writing up a final comment on someone who contributed absolutely nowt to the Tache-Off. So I’m not gonna bother.

Baby Eden

Another new face for 2007. We mean that quite literally, he was only born 5 months ago. Despite that, he's a dead cert to still have a better tache than myself (Craig B) by the end of the month. Have you seen his Dad? He's got hair where Captain Caveman has bald spots, so this little dude will be tidying up his shoulders before he reaches double figures. Strongly fancied to last the distance. Plus the fact you shouldn't really shave babies. Welcome onboard little dude. "I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them grow a tache...."

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = Erm...

A rumour of Eden taking a razor to his chin has come into Tache-Off HQ. We had to issue a yellow card for this offence, especially in light of Eden not calling or emailing us to defend his actions

Mark Brown

If this mans moustache was an airport it would be Luton. We love our long haired competitors, you just know they're gonna be seriously rock and roll, except we found last year they were randomly thrown loose change by sympathetic strangers. Another competitor who grows taches for fun, he's so hairy he could do comedy animal shapes with his facial hair, like that bloke called Edward with hands for scissors did in that film. Think it was called Teenwolf?

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 4/1

Ta-Dah! Not only do we love Mark’s tache, we love its super-magic ability to change colour! Grey tache? Not for long, all Mark had to do was copy his hero ‘The Great Soprendo’ and say 'Piff, Paff, Poof' and before you know it, it’s jet black. When I asked him if he was planning on a magical ginger tache in the future, he looked at me as if I’d accidentally nudged over his alcoholic beverage and also indicated I may have implied his pint also had slightly homosexual tendencies. Mark can be found working down the end of Wigan pier pulling flowers out of his wizards sleeve and sawing his missus in half.

Pasquale Cappetta

Do you remember the bloke who broke in to womens houses, went through their underwear drawers, helped himself to a cheese sandwich then left them a box of Milk Tray? I can't say for certain that was Pasquale, but at the same time I can't be certain it wasn't.You know what gets me about this competitor, is that in 31 days from now, we're all gonna look like we should be on some kind of register, but he'll be looking double swish.

Odds of having a tache on August the 31st = 7/1

Sadly we do have somenon starters for 2007

Were the rules not clear? Tache-off 2007 non-starters

Mr Buzoo

Non-Starter "Mr Buzoo" Silly name, and equally silly beard – we had to disqualify this fella

Steve Batho

Another disqualified non-starter, we got this photo not only late but also sporting at least a couple of days growth.