So down the pub last
night, the conversation invariably turns to the merits of
moustaches, which leads to a discussion on tache growing
abilities.
Only one thing to do....it's a 'tache
off!!
3 weeks, 10 men, 10 moustaches. The prize? Well a
moustache, naturally. What could be more noble and more
importantly, more amusing?
This is more about shaming
those who drop out and can't last the distance. Who can last
the distance? Ladies and gentlemen, the pre-'tache
competitors:
Andy
Tang, our fairly unwilling competitor from the Helpdesk.
Reluctantly agreed after a few beers and this morning didn't
have the vibe of a man who could last 3 weeks. Let's hope so,
it'll look a beaut on this fella.
Odds on dropping out
- 6/5
Chris
Perkins, Mistral Helpdesk manager. Already shaved once this
morning, but we'll let him off for that. Another fairly
unwilling competitor but ready to give it a shot. Could give
Chris a more YMCA-esque look about him, so I don't fancy his
chances.
Odds on dropping out - Evens
Craig
Brown, Network Engineer. Now I'm pretty up for this. There's
no doubt that my moustache will be rubbish but that's not the
point. Only stumbling block here is that I've already been
threatened with an early divorce if I go through with this,
but as far as I'm concerned, it's on...
Odds on
dropping out - 5/1
David Elliott, Network Manager. David is not one to
shirk when a facial-hair related gauntlet is thrown down. Due
to booze causing cortisol to over-produce, there's no doubt
this man will be able to produce a tache to rival that of
Magnum himself in 3 weeks.
Odds on dropping out -
6/1
James Hough, Helpdesk. Little is known about this dark
horse. Rumours are rife that he was a 2-time moustache
champion in his home country of Latvia, so is sure to be in
the running...
Odds on dropping out - 3/1
Mark Lewis, Account Manager extroadinaire. Although
very keen to be involved, we keep hearing excuses about being
'customer facing' which smells of dropout. I've not heard of
any contracts being lost due to a moustache so make your own
mind up.
Odds on dropping out - Evens
Mark Seymour, Senior Tech Support. Now here's a man
who's no stranger to the 'tache world. Has been spotted with
copies of 'Tache Weekly' under his bed in the past, and used
to be the proud owner of a beaut himself. I see no reason why
he won't be proud and hairy-lipped at the finishing line.
Always up for a bet.
Odds on dropping out -
20/1
Martin Page, Helpdesk. Curious one here. Has
previously been affected by the 'all mouth, no trousers'
syndrome but appears to be up for this one. Has voiced
concerns about going clubbing 2 weeks into the challenge with
a wispy lip. May well last the distance purely to avoid the
abuse he'll receive if shaves.
Nick Calvert, Windows Engineer. Certainly not a hot
favourite for seeing this one through. Competing from London,
he may find it difficult to remain motivated due to not having
the influence around him of other moustached men. Until he
goes to GAY on Saturday night. Vanity may see the razor
branded early on....
Odds on dropping out:
2/1
Finally, from the Helpdesk Sam Christmas. This
festively named competitor is always up for a challenge and
could be suprise contender. In Moscow, where Sam was born the
moustache is a symbol of great power, so hometown pride could
be all he needs to see him burst through that hairy finish
line...
Odds on dropping out: 5/1
So then
'tache fans, be sure to check back here for progress. We'll be
sure to post pics of any that are coming along nicely. We'll
also bring you exclusive news of any
dropouts...
Alan's biggest problem with seeing this through could
mirror my own....being married. Let's face it, unless your Des
Lynam or Tom Selleck, chicks don't dig moustaches. With those
eyebrows though, this could be an impressive effort and I
predict if he lasts 3 weeks, he'll have random kids asking him
if they can have some ice cream and ask where his van
is?
quote:
Originally posted by Paul_S: What a great
idea! I might even give it a go myself just for the fun of
it
Although like you, Craig, my missus would
probably get a bit whingy aswell as probably banning me from
kissing the new baby when it gets here!
Well I would imagine that we're all going on a long,
inner journey for the next 3 weeks. We're going to have to
overcome our personal demons and partners to last the
distance. But at the end of the day you can stand proud and
say 'check out my tache'.
posted
Craig, As
much as I'll try to give inspiration I cannot get inlvolved in
this . Not alone would Jasmine try to pull it off because it
would tickle her at good night kiss times,,,
,,,,,,But
I'm out on different sites contracting atm and it may affect
my potential suitability by clients.
Let's face
it,,,not every where is as liberated as Brighton where groups
of young men can be seen strolling through town showing off
their lip rats.
-------------------- Nets booked
Sussex Uni 6-8pm Thu 26th July.
Henry Hyder-Smith, coming from Oxford, weighing in at
224 pies. I think Henry could fall short of the 3 week target
due to being largely ridiculed for what is bound to be a
rubbish tache. I for one applaud his efforts. I'm sure his
random half-tache will really woo them in the board room. In
his spare time Henry enjoys wrestling midgets, goading badgers
and quiche.
Introducing Paul Stewart. Soon as word got round there
was 'tache shenanigans afoot, there was never any doubt he'd
be involved. Paul has been keen to get on the PTA tour again
since dropping out in 1993 due to taking up a new career as a
goat fluffer. I personally don't think his campaign has legs,
new baby due soon and I doubt he'd want his first child's
first sight of Daddy would be with a handlebar moustache.
Believe me, this man's hairy...
Chris Perkins
- Still unshaven but has a beard also. Has been warned about
this and will need to get rid of that before tomorrow to
remain in the competition....
Craig Brown - Cleanly
shaved chin, all that remains is a pretty rubbish blonde
tash.
Dave Elliott - Chin and sidies shaved, pretty
swish looking tash in progress.
James Hough - Very
impressive tash currently in progress.
Mark Lewis -
Very much still in the game, top looking tash but needs to
sort chin out a bit.
Mark Seymour - Full steam ahead,
tash coming along nicely.
Martin Page - No sign of Mart
this morning, we await shaving news....
Sam Christmas -
Still in play, tash in progress.
Alan Lipscombe - No
sign of this contender yet this morning...
Paul Stewart
- Awaiting update this morning.
OUT!!
We're 2
contenders down after the first weekend:
Nick Calvert -
Shaved this morning. Thought he looked like a 'turkish
pedophile' combined with a comedown. His tash campaign is
over...
Henry Hyder-Smith - Refusing to play the game
properly, so has now been disqualified. I quote:
'i am
going to combine it with an 'ANDY FORDHAM' neck beard'.
I informed Henry this was a strictly tash only contest
to which he replied:
'well i can shave the rest off
prior to judging'
This really isn't the spirit now is
it boys and girls. Threatened with disqualification, Henry
replies:
'fuck you then, it's a stipid idea anyway. i'm
going to take my neck beard and go home. your a fucking
hipercrit. it is not my fault you can't grow any neck beard.
who made you the boss?'
I think we can safely
disqualify this sour competitor. It's not always about you
Henry!!
posted
Well Henry
may well be back in again. He assures me beard has gone,
attitude has changed and tash is coming along nicely. To show
his commitment, he has gone into a high level board meeting
with very important clients with a crap tash. Nice
work.
Don't forget tash fans, tomorrow is photo update
day. Check back in for all your crap tash
needs...
Well he didn't have dropping out odds of 3/1 for
nothing. A poor effort from Alan, not even lasting a week. His
'official' line:
"basically we had to go see the curate
on Sunday about getting Maddison (Alan's baby girl)
christened. She was happy for me to go with the tash, but i
had problems evening it up, to the point that i was left with
a little toothbrush moustache and she didn't think it very
appropriate for me to be seeing a woman of the cloth looking
like Hitler's double"
So basically, he dropped out due
to poor maintenance.
See above reasons for Nick dropping out. Lame
effort!
Still in the race. Andy has said this morning that he
doesn't actually think it will grow any further. Need to keep
an eye on Andy in case he's trying to secretly keep it trimmed
by using this excuse...
Tash coming along nicely, still too much chin hair
kicking around, so we'll have to closely monitor that
situation.
You really have to look closely at this one. Still
completely unshaven on the lip, but I'm blonde, so it's not
too blatant. Wouldn't the world be a boring place if
everyone's tash looked the same though.
Check this badboy out. Tidy progress here. Today has
been declared a Latvian public holiday as a mark of respect
towards his efforts.
This Welsh fella having a strong run, but we're
hearing rumours he may not keep it much longer. Keep locked
for further developments tash fans..
There was never any doubt Mark was gonna see this one
through. If there's tashing to be done, you can bet a bollock
Seymour's involved.
Girls are swooning in the office over this strapping
lad. This one's a beaut, make no mistake.
If you'd seen the amount of female attention this man
received on Saturday night....the same week he starts growing
a moustache. Coincidence? I think not....
We're
still awaiting picture confirmation from out 2 remote
competitors Henry and Paul. Unless we receive some tash
evidence at some point, we'll have to take the assumption
there's been shaving. Watch this
space.
posted
Will send
you a pic this evening Craig, providing I'm not at the
hospital!!! I'm still in it, not shaved yet so will model
prepare it this evening for the pic
posted
No worries
Paul - with a baby due any minute, can appreciate this isn't
top of the list, however there's tash fans out there needing
to see progress updates. Let us know as soon as you get any
baby OR tash news!
Back to the tash in hand....feast
your eyes on this beast. The newly reinstated Henry has
clearly shown his commitment to the cause once again.
posted
Well I have
queried this with the IFM (International Federation of
Moustaches) in Kazakhstan and they replied.
quote:
Dear
Mark,
The International rules of the "Tash off" state
that any photographic proof must incorporate the full head
showing chin and neck. Any man or woman found hiding a
goatee or neck beard will be ruled out.
Well... There we go. it is fiinal. A new picture is
required Henry.
-------------------- Tom-atoes, Fruit
thats in disguise
We might as well all give up now. That is one
of the finest efforts that I have ever seen, and in less than
a week. If I had a hat on i would take if off to you.
posted
This is
true. An absolute beauty of a tash.
From my friends at
IFM
quote:
Section 12.9-4 : Handlebars are firmly within
the category of tashe. In order to comply with IFM standards
there must be al least 1.5 inch gap between the two sides of
the tashe. Any more than this will inevitably lead to them
joining and creating a goatee of which is
forbidden.
-------------------- Tom-atoes, Fruit thats
in disguise
posted
I see where
you're coming from with the handlebar thing, but I never
actually called it a 'handlebar'
I took my inspiration
from numerous people including Hulk Hogan of WWE fame, Paul
Tuttle of American Chopper fame and Crockett from the 2006
Miami Vice movie (played by Colin Farrell)
posted
The correct
name for this style of tash is a 'Zapata', named after the
famous Mexican revolutionary. I think this conjures up far
more glamorous images than the word 'handlebar'.
posted
He looks
like he has waxed his tash for some kind of formal occasion in
that photo. I like to think Zapata spent his freedom fighting
days looking more like Lemmy from Motorhead.
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![[Big Grin]](tacheoff06/biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](tacheoff06/smile.gif)
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